What are some funny and smart quotes?

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

Are today’s baseball pitchers faster than a few years ago, or is it that radar guns have improved and get the pitch speed as it is released rather than as it reaches the plate?

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

What if Supergirl was a baby and not a teenager when she left Krypton? Who do you think will find her? What do you think things would be like?

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

I’m 17 and looking for a girl. What do I do?

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.